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Key 2: Honor and Respect Your Spouse
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Zondervan Publishing House. The Dalai Lama. Richard Dawkins. Crossway Books. If you are, you will be a positive example to your husband. God will bless your efforts, if you acknowledge Him in your marriage, and if you ask Jesus Christ to live His life in you. With God's help, strive to be the best husband or the best wife you can be. How often do couples "tune one another out" in their conversations?
Five Keys to a Successful Marriage
Effective communication means effective listening as well as speaking. We should listen for understanding—try to understand the other person's point of view. Try to understand the other person's feelings and needs! Demonstrate respect by giving your full attention. The Apostle Paul gives us a fundamental principle in communicating effectively. Some people speak the truth in hate.
But Christians who are maturing in Christ will care about how their words affect those who listen to them.
When you talk with your husband or your wife, do you demonstrate concern and care? Do you communicate respect? Certainly we need to be patient with one another. In our fast-paced lives, husbands and wives may be going in different directions and hardly have time to speak to one another.
Some studies have shown that many couples average less than 20 minutes a week in conversation! Authors Leonard and Natalie Zunin have suggested the "four-minute rule" as a way to capitalize on the brief time you may have together. They point out that the success or failure of a marriage "can depend on what happens between a husband and wife during just eight minutes of the day: four in the morning upon awakening, and four when you are reunited after the working day" Contact: The First Four Minutes, p.
The Zunins correctly point out that your language, attitude, or expression at the beginning of the day can affect your whole relationship. Learn to express a positive, loving attitude for the first four minutes you are together at the beginning of the day. If you make this effort, you can avoid an accidental argument or an unnecessary grudge that will last all day.
And pay particular attention when you get together at the end of the day. Even if you are tired, a positive word of encouragement or appreciation—a hug or a kiss can make a big difference in your relationship for the whole evening. Many of you reading this article may be married to an unbeliever. If so, you may not be able to pray with your spouse—but you can pray for your spouse, and for your successful marriage!
As mentioned earlier, you can be a Christian example to your mate. Scripture gives this instruction to wives who have non-Christian husbands. Your loving, giving, Christian example can go a long way toward positively influencing your mate. Notice the emphasis is on your conduct, not on trying to argue your mate into your religion!
Of course, if both you and your spouse pray, you can pray together. When my wife and I pray together, I normally begin the prayer, then after a short while nudge my wife. She will then pray, and when she is done I will conclude our prayer together. It is just amazing how intimate and personal thoughts come out in our shared prayers. In that way, we are sharing with one another, and with our God.
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One of my wife's favorite expressions is, "Let's pray about that. We all need to acknowledge God and our Savior in every aspect of our lives. Scripture exhorts us: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths" Proverbs —6.
A marriage requires work, effort and continual nourishment to be successful. It means giving all you can in following your God-given responsibilities as a husband or as a wife. There will be obstacles, differences, and even conflicts. But with God's help, you can improve your marriage—and even save your marriage if it is in danger! Ask God to help you apply these principles in your own life. Remember, you cannot force your spouse to change—you can only change yourself. But your example of love and service can be a tremendous influence on your mate.
And remember, you cannot do it on your own. You need the help of your Savior in your own life. May God bless you, your marriage and your family as you strive to live by His word!
Twenty Keys to a Happier Marriage by Mike Murdock
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